Here's
Hannibal
Guido's blithering attempts to buy a commuter were destined to end in tears…
Like most things
in my life, this project has run completely off the rails and, where I once
thought I might actually be in control, I've actually become a passenger.
All I wanted to do was get a nice everyday commuter bike to replace Gerald,
the ageing GS1000G. Not that Gerald is a bad thing, it's just that motorcycles
get to be a lot like people as they age. You know, incontinent, a bit saggy
around the joints, forget what they're supposed to be doing – that sort
of thing.
So he's gone to Spannerman, who has an older and more decrepit GS. In fact I
think his was first bought by Moses from Honest Ali's Motorbike Emporium in,
West Jerusalem, in about, ohh, 3AD. Daughter Ms A's view is that Spannerman
and Gerald deserve each other, which I think is being a little hard on Gerald.
Of course Gerald responded to his new owner by first refusing to start, and
then springing a decent leak in the base gasket. The former was just a flat
battery, while I suspect the latter had something to do with Spannerman riding
it at 170km/h for over 1000 kilometres. A very undignified pace for the old bastard
(rider or bike – take your pick).
What do you get to replace a 24-year-old GS? Something naked with a nice broad
spread of power that's easy to live with day to day. A good commuter that can
also handle the occasional trip. And what did we buy? A Hayabusa, of course.
No, I have no idea how we got to that. One minute we were eyeing off CB1300s
and XJRs, the next thing I find there's now something else in the shed to be
scared of – other than the angle grinder.
This is ridiculous. In the aptly-named Victoria, you can lose your licence in
first gear. In most states, you'll be arrested for using second. These and many
other absurdities were being pondered as the bike loafed along at 6500rpm, or
200kmh, in top. It redlines at 11,000.
Even in this day and age of 180-horse sport bikes, the Haybusa is a pretty formidable
toy. And surprisingly civilised. It was love at first ride as, after a pretty
hefty diet of cruisers and scooters in recent times, it was a revelation to
be on something that did everything you told it to with plenty of ability to
spare.
Okay, so what do you do when you find a Hayabusa taking up lodgings in your
shed? Name it Hannibal and hot it up, of course. Actually the hotting up is
another thing that's gone off the rails.
I was content to fit a derestrictor unit (called a timing retard eliminator)
to Hannibal and leave it at that for a while. The timing gizmo removes the top
gear speed limiter (set at 296kmh) by telling the engine control unit the bike
is in fifth when it's actually in sixth. It also bypasses the softer please-don't-flip-the-motorcycle
tuning in first and second gear. A snip from a UK supplier (www.jbracing.co.uk)
at $100 or so.
Then I walked into Don Stafford's shop and walked out again the proud owner
of a super-light full titanium Over Racing four-into-one exhaust. It's uncertain
what happened in the middle, but seemed to involve an offer I couldn't understand
and the vague suspicion that Don may be related to the Devil.
Now it's off to Phil Tainton for a Power Commander and gawd know what else to
make the most of the pipe. From there it's just one long slippery downhill slope.
All I wanted was a commuter. Honest…
Guy "Guido" Allen
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