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Send in the exorcists
Can a humble motorcycle engine be cursed? Hell yes, according to GUIDO…
Allow me to offer a bit of advice: if you have an engine that’s making some unfortunate noises, seriously consider leaving it alone until it actually blows up. Had I followed that tip, chances are that I’d be richer, taller and have less grey hairs. Okay, let’s settle for richer and less paranoid…
It all started several years ago when Dr Gange the GS1000G sidecar started making some ugly big-end noises. Not alarming – just annoying, and a known condition for some of these powerplants. Muggins decided to get it fixed. We bought a donor engine and got someone to do a complete crank rebuild, which is no small job on a pressed roller bearing bottom end. So far so good.
The traumas started when I picked up the finished bike (which drove the workshop mad, as the outfit is not easily disassembled and takes up a huge amount of space), which promptly spat oil from a crank seal behind the timing set on the right-hand end of the cases. This meant a complete pull-down, splitting the crankcases, again. We’re talking a major operation.
And we took it back – three times. By this stage the mechanics were embarrassed, hugely annoyed, possibly inebriated most of the time in an attempt to drown their sorrows and basically said never to darken their door ever again. To date, we were down several thousand dollars, more than enough to pay for another donor bike, the workshop was hanging garlic from the doorway to ward off vampires, and sidecar owners, while I was seriously considering employing an exorcist to do the next rebuild.
However, finally, it actually hung together and didn’t leak much for a few years and…oh…almost 3000km. It went well, briefly. Then, one day, it spat the dummy – big time. We’re talking a back tyre so laden with dinosaur juice that any attempt at riding the thing resulted in something that resembled an ice hockey match where the participants are on poor quality LSD. There was so much oil on the loose you couldn’t possibly tell where it was coming from. Probably out of several new orifices…
So here we go again. I called in Spannerman and, while I helped by keeping out of the way, he disassembled the engine to discover the seals were showing evidence of being re-used a number of times (thanks a lot, guys) rather than replaced. Worse, on the last assembly it looked as though the head had been put together with a rattle gun, as every thread for the camshaft caps was, to put it politely, comprehensively rooted.
We tried helicoils, after spending a Sunday afternoon hunting them down in Spanner’s long-suffering Kombi, without success.
Finding bits for a 27-year-old bike is an issue but, to my amazement, Mick Hone’s in sunny Melb had almost all the gaskets in stock. Now for a replacement head. Here’s another tip: try Findapart.com.au. I got numerous responses, and eventually bought what turned out to be a good unit at a fair price from a New Zealand wrecker.
As I write this, Spanner et al are in day two of a three-day project to revive Dr Gange. Naturally it’s been stinking hot each time we’ve gone near the shed, but at least the beer (Coopers Dark Ale is the current preferred tipple) is helping to ease the pain. It’s looking promising (though now I’ve discovered the front brake master cylinder has gone to lunch) and next week, maybe, we’ll have a going concern.
I’m hoping the fact that Spannerman is a former apprentice Pope will ward off the devils on this rebuild, but am still sorely tempted to hire an exorcist as a back-up. If you see an outfit barreling down the road with a sinister-looking priest clutching a bucket of holy water and a large crucifix in the sidecar, you’ll know who it is…
You’re always welcome to get in touch via the palatial Motorcycle Trader offices at locked bag 12, Oakleigh 3166; Or on the wire at guy.allen@traderclassifieds.com.au.
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