Life's little challenges
GUIDO wonders why it is that some bikes try so hard to not only get rid of us, but 'off' themselves in the process…
Is there such a thing as euthanasia for motorcycles? I’m beginning to wonder, as Winston the 1947 Sunbeam seems to have made a number of attempts recently. Now there’s ample evidence that bikes have personalities and can, from time to time, get moody.
This is usually expressed by either a serious attempt to spit you off – something which the more powerful of the breed do most convincingly – or simply sit there in a huff, steadfastly ignoring the starting attempts, the pleas, the open and increasingly lurid threats, the curses and the inevitable glove-tossing tantrum that follows a failure to proceed. Once, I heard a bike chuckle when I finally lost it.
I’ve even seen a motorcycle eject the irritant from the saddle and flounce off into the undergrowth for a sulk. Come on. Tell me it doesn’t happen…
And so we come to Winston, who is acting very much like an elderly uncle – it just wants to be left alone with its newspaper, in a comfortable corner of the shed and, by the way, you can bugger off and play your silly games with Hannibal the Hayabusa, which seems to enjoy that sort of thing.
But of course I’m not letting that happen, instead insisting that an increasingly belligerent motorcycle gets out from under its cover and goes for a bit of a gallop in the sunshine. It’s not going well.
The ultimate target has been the long awaited Motorcycle Trader Classic Caper – a multi-bike classic comparo that has yet to be blessed with a firm date. In the meantime, I’ve been trying to get it to the annual All British Rally (an excellent gig run by the BSA club) a mere few hours from Melbourne. We didn’t make it last year because Winston was then a recent acquisition and clearly needed some sorting.
And we’re not making it this year thanks to…well…let me explain. It started with the somewhat courageous decision to get City Auto Electrical Services (brilliant bike sparkies, who have been known to refer to themselves as City Auto Electrical Tragics) to rebuild and/or replace pretty much the entire electrical system. The generator had gone to lunch and was self destructing, while I really had my doubts about the viability of a 60-year-old wiring loom.
This was also intended to fix what had become a stony silence from the monster, the end result of two failed attempts to make it to Spannerman’s joint, a whole two suburbs away.
Let’s just say it has not been smooth sailing. The sparkies have done lots of machines for me in the past without dramas, but this one really presented some challenges, including several goes at rewinding the generator, which apparently involves a special, ancient, and near-forgotten technique.
Without mentioning the ugly subject of money, let’s just say that after weeks of frustration the sparkies were starting to feel a little confident. The test equipment said all was well and they just had to do a little test run. Having a mere 25 horses, Winston is in no position to toss a fully-grown and reasonably fit mechanic.
It did, however, have one final trick up its air intake – after a gentle and successful run around the block, it caught fire. Now that surprised them, but the sparkies were nevertheless alert enough to quell the flames before any real damage was done. (I’ll add it was due to a fuel leak, not an electrical fault.)
I explained all this to Ed Snag, who had been goading me to take the Sunbeam to the rally (rather than my Daytona) to accompany his Norton. However, after hearing the latest, even he was prepared to admit defeat: “It clearly hates you, and life itself,” he concluded.
Winston hasn’t yet won entirely, but I’m certainly approaching it with new levels of caution. Is it normal to have a bike on suicide watch?
You’re always welcome to get in touch via the palatial MT offices at locked bag 12, Oakleigh 3166; Or on the wire via guy.allen@traderclassifieds.com.au.
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