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The 280km/h dromedary
GUIDO reckons we should forget speeding and introduce taste police…
I’ve just committed an obscene act with a motorcycle. Those of you with a lurid turn of mind may be relieved to know that I was both fully clothed and sober at the time, but that, if anything, increases the culpability. The end result is Bronson the Blackbird now looks like a very fast pregnant camel.
Frankly I don’t know what came over me. One minute I had a perfectly serviceable 280km/h commuter and the next I was decking it out to act like some sort of bloated tourer. And Honda helped do it.
Like most manufacturers, Honda is caught in the awful bind of having to listen to its customers who, let’s face it, haven’t a bloody clue when it comes to building a nice, sharp, well-integrated motorcycle. The engineers are often forced to come out with a long list of accessories, some of which are good, but many of which are there to stop whingers like me whining: “Yeah, it’s nice, and I know it’s quicker than a Lear jet, but where’s the luggage capacity?”
Here’s a tip for Honda, and all other makers out there: when you hear something along those lines, tell them to shut the hell up and get a life.
So the panniers are on board and, typical of Honda, they’re very well made, work brilliantly and are extremely strong. So strong that after the nuclear holocaust, there will be two survivors – cockroaches and my Blackbird panniers.
They really have to go, which is a shame as someone took a lot of trouble to design them. But they took even more trouble to shape the bike.
In fact I’ve met the Blackbird’s designer, a lovely gent called Isao Yamanaka. He’s a softly-spoken true-blue enthusiast who I suspect would be quietly disappointed in the decision to bugger up his original lines, even if it was with a corporate product. Somehow that would be worse than having him yell at you.
There’s a long history of cocking up perfectly good motorcycles with shockingly ugly accessories. Some would say sidecars qualify, but as a chair owner I’ll dodge that debate, thanks.
Far more insidious was a once proud name on the local manufacturing scene -- Gearsak. In the 1980s, this product seemed to be fitted to every second bike on the road. It was typically Australian in some ways. Based on a square section steel tube frame, it was strong enough to hold up the Harbour Bridge and doubled as a carrier for anything up to half a dozen slabs at rallies. Over that went the largest black textile bag you have ever seen. Large enough to take pretty much all your worldly goods, enough tools for a complete roadside rebuild, and the dog. And they were the most hideous things you have ever seen. What were we thinking?
There are still plenty of offenders out there. Take anyone with a sports motorcycle who has fitted one of those dreadful packracks with the fitted rucksack. Now they really should be arrested. Forget booking people for speeding, how about bringing in Taste Police? Fit a dodgy bag to the rear of your wind-tunnel-designed R1 and you get it (the bike) confiscated. No second chances.
Oh, sorry, it’s your machine and you wanted it to be more practical? Well, boo-bloody-hoo. Go buy yourself a nice little Camry. (Once again – a prize to the first person who spots the oxymoron in that last sentence, so long as your name isn’t Barry Ashenhurst.)
I can understand bolting something utilitarian to a postie bike, but a super sports? It’s like fitting a plough to your Lambo and indulging in a little agriculture.
Stop it at once. (Anyone out there want a nice cheap seat of panniers?)
You’re always welcome to get in touch (and send counsellors) via the palatial MT offices at locked bag 12, Oakleigh 3166; Or on the wire at guy.allen@traderclassifieds.com.au.
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