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George W -- workshop manager
What does the world’s most powerful politician do when he retires? Move into Chateau Guido and sort out the engineers…
George W Bush, the soon-to-be-retired US Prez, should manage my motorcycle fleet. Mr B was in the news the other day ticking off China for its dubious human rights record, which is spectacular spin from someone who presided over a military and government culture that enabled erosion of civil rights and a twisting of the rule of law.
I’m prepared to buy him a new-gen Vmax (even at Australian prices) as an incentive to get him on-side and move in as workshop manager.
Here’s a man who is prepared to crash and crash through, regardless of personal cost to others. Though I might just hold on to the credit card, as economics clearly isn’t his strong point.
His rare talent is to treat myriad problems that would drive any sane person to self-destruction as just another day on the ranch. And rise above mere stumbles such as catastrophic mishandling of hurricanes, foreign wars, and financial market meltdowns. That’s a man you want on your side when the functional motorcycles in your fleet are being outnumbered by the dysfunctional.
Here’s a shed review for this week:
Hannibal the Hayabusa – fine, but is it a legitimate terrorism target because of that?;
Ted the Daytona 1200 – also fine, see above;
Bronson the Blackbird – fine, but I need someone to fit and tune the Yoshimura pipes and Power Commander;
Winston the 1947 Sunbeam S7 – plugs sorted, but there’s a new ignition to be installed and, until then, I don’t trust it as far as the end of the street;
Dr Gange the GS1000G sidecar – needs the carbs serviced and rejetted;
Casper the GTS1000 – awaiting a front brake rebuild and new fuel pump;
TT600 – needs a run and the broken sidestand welded up;
SR500 – comprehensive build required.
As you can see, we need someone to hold the perpetrators of those failures responsible, courageous enough to blame a whole other culture for the problems and demand retribution.
Motorcycle engineers should get it in the neck. Those dodgy bastards should have known I’d still be trying to ride the Sunbeam 61 years later.
Moving on to Dr Gange, surely the spanner-twirlers in Hamamatsu anticipated the lift in engine capacity, the custom pipe, the addition of a double chair, and the fact it would be used to carry loads that would make a Landcruiser blush. It was launched as recently as 1980 fer crissakes – were they asleep?
And what about the GTS? How dare they not anticipate it would sit in a warehouse for over a decade until some dingbat decided to fit a battery and hit the starter. What were they thinking?
And talk me through the broken sidestand on the 1984 TT. The machine was bought from the finest dirt bike wrecker in Geelong, many years ago, and has been hardly used since. What sort of workmanship is that?
Let’s not even mention the SR500, which has been around for so long now it should be able to assemble itself. We have three sets of crankcases, two sets of wheels, two or three pistons, and one or two missing bits. Is it too much to ask that a nice man from Yamaha comes over late at night, under the stealth warranty program, quietly gets it running and expects nothing more than a kind word from the patient owner? I don’t think so.
At some stage we have to set standards, and I reckon George W is the bloke to do it. His failure to be sacked from his current job, despite the bleeding obvious, clearly confirms that. And he understands PR.
I’m going to call him and make an offer he can’t understand.
When he arrives at Tullamarine, and accepts the keys to his Vmax, I expect two things:
You’re always welcome to get in touch (and send counsellors) via the palatial MT offices at locked bag 12, Oakleigh 3166; Or on the wire at guy.allen@traderclassifieds.com.au.
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